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Arts for me!
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More loves to see: emmil.deviantart.com/favourite… Thank you!
Fri Feb 14, 2014, 4:08 AM
Mon Jan 20, 2014, 12:32 AM
Anyone knows about Certificate of Origin, or Health Certificate for bird food here?
Last month, some friends in US sent me some bird food (pellets, spray millet and chick grits) but we didn't know that sending out bird food to other country (or at least to my country, Indonesia) would require a health certificate.
One of the food package has arrived but it's being held in the post office until I can go there bringing the certificate which the post office vet asked. My questions are: How and where will my friends get such certificate letters in US? What kind of things that we need to check on the letters so that they don't need to send any other follow-up document again? Will there be a statement that the food is free from bird flu or have gone through lab test, etc on the letter? Should it include the precise data about the food package size for each brand? Thanks.
Sat Nov 23, 2013, 2:41 PM
It's been a month since Pocky passed away. Every time I think I'm fine I'll look at his pics again but it won't take long before I start to cry. I guess it will take a long, long time until I can see his pics with a smile. One day I hope I can say I want to remember how he lived and not how he died. That's a line a mother said about her son who died in a tragic way. But she was able to say it 10 years after the boy's death. Before, it was so painful to see the pics/videos of him, she said (I was talking about Eric’s Clapton’s son’s death). So I don’t know how long I’m able to say it myself since I love Pocky like my own kid.
For some people, Pocky was just a bird and they will write comments about him with such thought in their minds. So no matter how many times I said I really love him, they will never have a clue how precious he was to me (and still is). Love is such an underrated word, easily said without people really mean it. How many times people have said they love their pets but will prefer everything else to their pets when they have to choose. I know it’s hard to love animals unconditionally, especially if they aren’t tamed or bonded with us. I myself don’t love all my pets equally. I’ve never been this sad about losing a pet. Pocky was the apple of my eye. I just want people know it and say something with such regard.
No one would say to a grieving mother that she’s still young and can make another child again in her mourning time. Nor people would suggest her to just adopt a kid because they think she would love any kids with same age, same height, same hair color and eye like her deceased kid. There will always be just one Pocky… and no other mauve personata lovebirds can replace him. I want to have a bond like I had with him again with another bird… but not to replace him because I know each bird will have different personality. They smile and act differently, much like humans do.
People who see Pocky as just a bird might think I’m such a drama queen. But if they see him in a more general way as something precious to someone, if only they try putting them selves in my shoes, imagining what if their precious one is gone forever, they probably will understand. It doesn’t even have to be a living being. It could be a leg for a dancer, a hand for a pianist, a face for a model, and so on. He was that precious to me.
No one would say to a person who has just got blind that she should be grateful she doesn’t lose her hearing too and give her a set of Braille books so that she could read again ASAP. I love my other birds but Pocky was special. It’s like our favorite candy that we can no longer have once we get diabetes. Some people might easily say, “Suck it up, you can live on without sugar!” True, but not necessarily said. Even though they are said with good intentions, I can’t help but think it’s so heartless to say such things when people are still grieving about what precious thing/person they have just lost.
I know it’s internet and I know it’s useless to expect people give a long thought about what they will say. I write this just to vent up… nothing more nothing less. Sometimes it’s tiring to keep thinking we should be careful about how we say something and react to something when others can say whatever they want with an excuse, “I meant good, ya know!”
When I said I feel alone in my grief, I didn’t mean I wanted people to come with a choco cake and ask me to eat them all so that I would feel better, but when I refused eating it because I was too sad to eat anything they would throw the cake on my head and say how rude I was, how ungrateful and leave right away. Lol, why do I love using metaphors…? I think I just love to be given space to grieve without people poking my soft spot every now and then. I’d love them to stay and act like normal, commenting on my other bird pics, for example.
If I had a friend who was grieving, I would stay next to her when she cried. I wouldn’t bother with cakes and words but I would be there when she needed me, not when I could. I would make my time for her which would mean a lot more than money could buy because even rich people also have 24 hours a day and not all people is willing to miss their precious time with family, miss an episode of a favorite TV series, cancel a travel plan, and so on for a grieving friend.
I wouldn’t ask “How are you?” every day which would just remind her something had gone wrong in her life. If I wanted to see her smile, I wouldn’t ask her to stop crying… I would tell jokes and help her with chores so that she could smile and forget her sorrow even though for just a few minutes. I wouldn’t ask, talk or say anything that would make her remember the sad event, unless she started it first. I understand I might be nothing compared to something/someone she has just lost. But I would do it anyway and if people asked why, I could simply say, “Because I care about her.”
But yeah, I know… it’s too good to be true to be applied on strangers. That’s why I wouldn’t say many words to grieving people when I don’t know them better. I wouldn’t say “I know how you feel” so easily… Losing Pocky is hard but what makes it unbearable is the way he died. I’ll have to live with this guilt in my heart for the rest of my life. People who wrote to me saying they know how I feel when they only have pets/family dead from illnesses or natural causes will never know the pain from guilt. It’s like I was telling the world I had a skin cancer and it was itchy, but the response I got were people sharing their stories about how itchy their skins after getting bitten by ants.
So unless they accidentally ran over their sons to dead, or made their parents tripped on stairs with heads split open when they hurried them up, or stabbed their spouses making them bleed to dead while they were cooking, or smothered their babies accidentally when they took a nap together… they wouldn’t know how I feel.
When our love ones died, we might want to talk about it over and over with others. This talking therapy usually makes we feel better in time. We might even come out and feel like a hero because we did our best for our loved ones’ dying days. But no, we WON’T feel like that if they died from accidents where we were responsible for it. Every question, like how old he was, how he died, how do you feel… would sting our hearts with pain. Even without a reminding question, it’s difficult to forget the horror of the event and how stupid we were.
There were people who have lost their beloved pets in tragic ways. A cat died in a running washing machine, a bird got kicked and died while sleeping together with his owner… To those people I agree they have at least the right to say… “I know how you feel.” But even so, in my most grieving days… I couldn’t write a single word of reply… This might sound rude but I didn’t care about what happened to others when I was deep in my grief. I lost my manners. I couldn’t write I’m sorry to hear that, etc, etc. I couldn’t think of anything else but Pocky for days… I barely ate and took a bath. All I could do was calling his name over and over again, telling him I was so sorry. All I wanted was him coming back to me. No words, no story, no consolation could ease my pain back then.
It was so hard to accept his death. I couldn’t even cry the first 30 minutes after the accident. I was confused. I was hoping I was dreaming. I was mumbling I didn’t remember what but after that, I got hysterical. I didn’t want to believe he was gone. There was no blood, nothing. He just looked like he was sleeping. But his neck was boneless. I kept asking him to wake up. It was hard to believe he was dead because his body was still warm. But after an hour his feet got colder, his wings got stiff and part of me knew he was gone but part of me didn’t want to admit it. He even still had a smiling face when he died.
This is not an attack on anyone. I just need to let this out of my chest so that I can breathe more lightly. I know it might be not the best thing to do to post this on a journal. I might just keep pushing people away at the end. I know I should promote my merchandises for Christmas & New year sale now. I know I should do this and that but… I just don’t have enough spirit to keep painting and promoting my stuffs happily like I’m supposed to do. Best I can do is posting pics of my birds daily… trying to have normal days.
Perhaps I’m just the kind who thinks too much, who is easy to get emotionally with personal life events, who empathize and feel beyond most people do… I think I’m like a slug with no armor at all, easily get hurt and can only stay hidden in shadow enjoying my small world. Even so, people can still find me and poke me.
It’s really hard to be social with people for me. They tend to scare me because I don’t think I can read people as good as I can with animals. Animals are simple. They don’t manipulate us, don’t stab us on the back, don’t judge, don’t ask a lot from us. They just want to be with us, understood and loved… It’s always 1 + 1 = 2 with animals, but not with people. Animals will only hurt us if they are scared or get hurt. But people will hurt others for fun, for superior feeling, for revenge, for being ignorance…
I know people that care about me will just smile when they read this journal and say something like, “Lol, we know. We’ll be here when you celebrate Pocky’s death anniversary next year. He’ll get more Jack-O-Poc pumpkin pics you bet! And many, many more in the future.” But people who don’t, probably will get offended. They will need to explain themselves by saying they care about me on the first sentence and the rest will be about them though.
But just like a wise friend of mine once said, Those who matter don’t mind. Those who mind don’t matter.
Thank you for reading this.
Tue Oct 29, 2013, 9:28 PM
Thanks a lot for the kind words, for the sympathy, for sharing your own story of accidents with your birds. I just don't have the energy to reply your comments/notes/pm one by one. I have started to accept his death, although sometimes I still want to believe he's somewhere in the colony cage or somewhere inside the gaps made from piles of pillows. The hardest part is really to forgive myself and move on. I still cry for him but sometimes no tears come out... just making weird face because it hurts so much inside.
Pippin and Peewee sleeps with me at nights. Even Peewee now likes to get inside my tshirt and poking his head out too. sometimes when I turn off the light to cuddle with Peewee it feels like Pocky is with me again... but when a glimpse of light gets reflected on his beak, I'm like, Why does Pocky wear lipstick? Uh, it's not Pocky... but Peewee. My other birds are nice... in fact Pippin and Peewee might be ideal pets for most people. They are bonded so they won't cling on you 24/7. If you are busy they can play by themselves in colony cage and won't call out for you. Yet when you want to play with them, they will play with you. You can cuddle with them, even flip them on their back, rub their head till they fell asleep. Isn't that awesome?
But I miss my clingy Pocky. He was the only one that could make me feel special because he considered me as his mate. He was the one that thought of me as his greatest joy more than food or toy. I miss such a bond with a pet. The only one left that has such a bound with me now is my finch, Pipi... but after Pocky's tragic death I've become too afraid to play with her. She 's just as big as my thumb, she'll be more prone to accidents! Having big parrots can get you stitches on your face and hands so I love small parrots, but they are the ones that are more prone to get fatal accidents.
I'm not a religious person although I like to mention God here and there. My relationship with Him is more personal since I don't like going to church. I've been thinking if perhaps God has a pity on me because if I have too many clingy pets I don't have a personal life anymore, never taken a vacation... but now I know a life without Pocky, I don't like it... Perhaps, it's just because I'm still in a big grief from losing him. Perhaps I just have to give it more time to get bonded with Peewee but I just know somewhere in my heart it won't be the same. It's not because they are 2 different birds but Pocky was with me since the day he hatched and I nurtured our bond with love every single day for a year.
I'm so tempted to have a new chick that I can get bonded with again.. but Poc's mom has gone. Some people told me I should just hatch the eggs that Papao's been laying now... but I'm sure 99% people who said that didn't even know that she mates with her dad. Somehow it makes me upset to read ignorant comments... not mean, just ignorant. Like all those people on Facebook that keep asking what happened to him when all they could do was just checking the previous links on the page status. If they don't actually care I'd rather have them not writing a comment at all.
I could buy a chick to be hand fed by me but most lovebird breeders here are bad breeders... I might end up with weak chicks or handicapped ones like I got before. There's one friend that's a good breeder but he lives in other city so far away... there's no way a 2-3 weeks old chick can survive without no feeding at all for 1 day shipping. Buying a different species of parrot is not an option either since it won't fit my life style and my house. Should I take the chance on hatching the eggs? Will that make me a selfish impulsive person? I have read about inbreeding. Some breeders do it intentionally to get best show quality birds, but ofc once in a while they'll have a defected chick, because inbreeding will multiply both good and bad gene chance to surface. What do you think?
I'll post pics of my birds again tomorrow like usual. Pocky has done so much for me making my way in Facebook and Tumblr I won't let it wasted. In my darkest moment I have contacted Facebook asking for a request to get my page name changed even though I have already had more than 200+ followers. I was afraid of the pain every time new people come and ask about the origin of the page name. Now I think this is the highest tribute that I can do for him, keeping a page with his name alive and growing big. He will never die then. New people will still get a chance to know him... So thank you Facebook for ignoring my request (no sarcasm intended).
I'm going to hold dearly my memory of Pocky. Every moment with him from the reason he was hatched, fixing his play leg, till his tragic death is a great lesson in my life that I won't forget. I'll treasure all his photos and videos for they'll keep me remember all the greatest happy moments in his life, even if one day my memory starts to fail me. On behalf of Pocky, thank you very much for loving this little boy. Every comments you wrote on his previous pics will help me smile knowing he's loved by so many nice people.
Fri Oct 25, 2013, 11:26 AM
It's really hard for me to tell you this but Pocky passed away about 12 hours ago, at 1 pm Friday Oct 25th. I lost my balance in the colony cage and accidentally step on him who was behind me. He didn't die instantly. I thought he wouldn't. He could still fly and when I put him on my hand he had started panting. When I brought him inside my house, he had a fit then died.
I can't stop crying now. I feel so horrible and hate myself. I miss him so much I can't stop crying and calling his name. It's so hard to accept his death. I can still feel him everywhere. Everything in my house reminds me of him. I can't sleep on my bed because I usually snuggled with him there before we went to sleep. I can't believe he had to go away like this. I feel so guilty no matter what I try to think of, no matter what my husband said. I can't even cry as harder as I want because he will be mad.
I don't know if Pocky knew his time would be up soon. But this month he wanted to cuddle more with me. He usually asked to be picked up from the colony cage to my bedroom at 6pm, but this month even at 4.30 to 5 pm he had rattled the wire to be picked up. The last 2 days, he even didn't want to stay in the colony cage. He rattled the wire every hour, everytime he saw me from the cage window which is directly across my working room. I even had to put newspaper on my window so that he couldn't see me and now I really feel terrible because of it.
I miss him so much... no matter what positive thought I've said to myself I just feel I wanna die. I feel like a big failure... but if I die, who'll take care of my pets... I even didn't go to my father's wake because I found Pipi at the same day my dad died. I couldn't go because I had to feed Pipi and her siblings every 2 hours... but now I'm afraid she will die young too and I saved her for nothing. I don't know how I can face her death later.
Papao has laid an egg and for a moment I wanted to let it hatch if it's fertile. But I know it's not right... there's no way any chick can replace Pocky. He was special... I still have a lot of his pics I haven't shared, but I don't know when I'll be able to share them again. I need some time to mourn his death, and a lot more time to make peace with myself.
I wish I had someone irl that I can talk to but no one understands how much he meant to me here. I've never felt so alone... I miss having him inside my tshirt... I miss his specific cute voice that's different than the other lovebirds. I have recorded it this week because he actually has learned a new trick; bobbing head while singing a rhythm. I taught it to Papao but he was the one who caught it.
He was burried under the tree where I found Pipi's nest... my husband helped digging the ground. I still can't believe he's gone... It's like if I go to his cage I can still find him there. I miss him so much... All the other time a pet gone I've never been this sad... perhaps it was because I wasn't bonded too much with them. I miss Pocky... I must be a mess now... I know time will heal the pain and life will go on. I'll try to be strong... I just have to love what I have been left with, my other pets, before I lost my chance with them too. But it's really hard... I miss Pocky terribly.
I know he might be just a picture of a happy looking bird to you. But please pray for him tonight. I hope he's with an angel now, one that can cuddle him 24/7 forever without failure. Pray for me too if you don't mind... for I need any strength you could lend me to face tomorrow without him. Thank you for loving him... And please just say how much you love him (if u do) instead I'm sorry for your loss. It means so much that there are others that love him even though they have never met him. I just can't wait the day I'll meet him again to say how much I love him, how much I'm so sorry for what happened and hope he will forgive me for being such a failure.
Wed Oct 9, 2013, 1:15 AM
Besides my little sweet cherry pompom here: emmil.deviantart.com/gallery/4…
I found some beautiful videos of tamed & wild finches on youtube. I also will make a list of websites with good info about finches. I'll collect them here so that I can link my journal to anyone who still doesn't know what adorable little friend a finch can be. If you found some links that you think worth to be displayed on the list below, plz comment so that I can check and add. Thanks!
My favorite chinese talking bengalese finch who can also mimic kissing sound: www.youtube.com/watch?v=famWbE…
This one can even speak more: www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUpSvq…
Poop training: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LYQZ0…
A white rumped munia who likes to get head rub. He really looks like my Pipi, but mine is a black rumped munia: www.youtube.com/watch?v=psItir…
A beautiful javan finches in the wild (My pipi's species): www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWd6wG…
A javan sparrow that lied on his back while getting cheek rub: www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUtRSk…
A tamed javan sparrow that likes to get a head rub: www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4vHIT… Same way I did to Pipi's head that cause this: fav.me/d6l61ne
A javan sparrow that likes to snuggle inside her owner cloth: www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-t7kv…
A javan sparrow bathing in hand: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiRhM0…
Cute songs about finch: ▶ 文鳥のおるすばん - YouTube ▶ 文鳥のうた - YouTube
Tamed owl finch: www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3X44B…
Info about Javan munia: ibc.lynxeds.com/species/javan-…
Mon Aug 5, 2013, 1:06 PM
Due to the overflowing photo stocks of my birds, I'm considering to upload different photos on my DA account and Facebook page. So please follow my birdie page here: www.facebook.com/PockyAndFrien… The more likes I get for my page the more new features/tools/perks I can use from Facebook to manage my page (It reminds me of playing games, level up = new ability). Thank you for your support!
Fri Jul 12, 2013, 3:22 AM
And it's almost 530 pm now... I don't think she'll come back home. Same case with Palma. I guess that's the risk of having a big outdoor aviary without double doors. Papao, Pippin and Peewee have escaped before but they come back. Pico is not tamed, she won't come back to me because she is not bonded with me.
Weird... after experiencing some deaths and escapes of my birds, I'm not as sad as before. I just feel tired and depressed. Would I cry if it was Pocky? I don't know. (Now, before saying any consolation words, or suggesting how to lure her back, perhaps you need to read first my replies here: www.facebook.com/PockyAndFrien… All of them plz. Thanks. )
Tue Jun 25, 2013, 6:04 PM
Pipi is a Javan Munia (Lonchura leucogastroides), which is a species of finches found in Indonesia, Malaysia and Singapore. Before I thought she was a Striated finch (Lonchura striata), also known as white rumped munia. But Pipi doesn't have a white rump. I thought the white part would show up later but after more research, I'm sure she is a javan munia. Indonesia has white rumped munia too but mostly located in Sumatra island, not in Java. These two species are very identical except for the color of the rump.
This is a striated finch: ibc.lynxeds.com/files/pictures…
This is a javan finch: emmil.deviantart.com/gallery/4…
Very similar, right?
25% DISCOUNT for all species, all type commissions is still here! You'll get 3000 x 3000 pixel 300 dpi jpg file. Big enough to print on canvas, t-shirt, etc. I accept Paypal.
NOTE: LIKE my store at Facebook: www.facebook.com/emmil.petopet to get a chance winning a free painting from me!
POCKY and my other pet's PAGE on FB: www.facebook.com/PockyAndFrien… Please LIKE to support it. Thanks!
Sat Jun 15, 2013, 7:23 PM
25% DISCOUNT for all species, all type commissions! You'll get 3000 x 3000 pixel 300 dpi jpg file. Big enough to print on canvas, t-shirt, etc. I accept Paypal.
NOTE: LIKE my store at Facebook: www.facebook.com/emmil.petopet to get a chance winning a free painting from me!
POCKY and my other pet's PAGE on FB: www.facebook.com/PockyAndFrien… Please to support it. Thanks.
Wed Feb 27, 2013, 12:00 AM
Some of you must have known that I have chronic migraine which comes and goes almost every day. It's been happening since I was a child. At first my parents thought I had a brain tumor but I didn't. Next, they thought it might come from phychological problem. But seeing phychologist didn't help the pain either. After visiting my last dentist yesterday, I finally know the cause... it's actually from my teeth. I have a crossbite problem. Also known as edge to edge bite problem. It causes the headache, jaw clicking and pain on my shoulder and neck. I need at least $2000 to pay the orthodontist here to fix my lower teeth.
I know I'd like to be a specific canine and bird artist starting this year, but to gather the fund I need, I'll paint people (humanoid characters) again. My price list for painting will be as follow: emmil.deviantart.com/journal/D… I'll also do speed painting commission too. It'll be half the price listed on the journal, samples: emmil.deviantart.com/gallery/3… Pixel art commission is also welcomed. Here's my price list for pixel art: emmil.deviantart.com/journal/2… I'm sorry I can't give discount since the time when I'm not having headache is getting shorter in a day. So if I have to paint hundreds commissions to collect the fund, it'll make me gone through more suffering...
If you just like to donate some money, plz send them to my paypal: email@example.com ANY $ HELPS!
I hope I can paint arts more often and faster after having my crossbite fixed. It will probably take a 2 year treatment (hopefully just using brace, other methods will be more expensive) but 2 year still sounds better than having constant headache like a physduck for the rest of my life. I have gone through Temporomandibular (TM) pain for 30 years or so in my life... so I hope there will be years ahead when I wake up in the morning without having headache.
Thanks for reading this.
If you like to spread the words, I'll appreciate it too!
Sat Oct 2, 2010, 3:33 PM
If you like to commission me, please follow one of the links below to see the price list & terms of work for each type of commission that you are looking for. To go back to this index page, simply click the commission info button with the flashing arrow on the top of each journal.
For painting/drawing, you will get the big file (high resolution) as a final result, big enough to print it on A2 paper. The file will be in jpg format, 300dpi with 3000 x 3000 pixel size (the dimension might be adjusted if you order a landscape or portrait shape canvas).
The prices listed on the journals include the commercial right, meaning you can use the art you order for commercial purpose. Once you have bought an art from me, it's all yours to use, for whatever and wherever. I also like to make sure that my precious clients will not wait for ages to get their arts done. First come, first served basis. Clear communication and deadline. Current clients as well as previous clients are all listed here: fav.me/d348fvc
- Digital painting info page: emmil.deviantart.com/journal/2…
- Pixel art info page: emmil.deviantart.com/journal/2…
If there are still some things that you'd like to ask, don't hesitate to ask me here or via notes.
Thank you very much. ^_^
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