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R.I.P. Pocky

Journal Entry: Fri Oct 25, 2013, 11:26 AM





It's really hard for me to tell you this but Pocky passed away about 12 hours ago, at 1 pm Friday Oct 25th. I lost my balance in the colony cage and accidentally step on him who was behind me. He didn't die instantly. I thought he wouldn't. He could still fly and when I put him on my hand he had started panting. When I brought him inside my house, he had a fit then died.

I can't stop crying now. I feel so horrible and hate myself. I miss him so much I can't stop crying and calling his name. It's so hard to accept his death. I can still feel him everywhere. Everything in my house reminds me of him. I can't sleep on my bed because I usually snuggled with him there before we went to sleep. I can't believe he had to go away like this. I feel so guilty no matter what I try to think of, no matter what my husband said. I can't even cry as harder as I want because he will be mad.

I don't know if Pocky knew his time would be up soon. But this month he wanted to cuddle more with me. He usually asked to be picked up from the colony cage to my bedroom at 6pm, but this month even at 4.30 to 5 pm he had rattled the wire to be picked up. The last 2 days, he even didn't want to stay in the colony cage. He rattled the wire every hour, everytime he saw me from the cage window which is directly across my working room. I even had to put newspaper on my window so that he couldn't see me and now I really feel terrible because of it.

I miss him so much... no matter what positive thought I've said to myself I just feel I wanna die. I feel like a big failure... but if I die, who'll take care of my pets... I even didn't go to my father's wake because I found Pipi at the same day my dad died. I couldn't go because I had to feed Pipi and her siblings every 2 hours... but now I'm afraid she will die young too and I saved her for nothing. I don't know how I can face her death later.

Papao has laid an egg and for a moment I wanted to let it hatch if it's fertile. But I know it's not right... there's no way any chick can replace Pocky. He was special... I still have a lot of his pics I haven't shared, but I don't know when I'll be able to share them again. I need some time to mourn his death, and a lot more time to make peace with myself.

I wish I had someone irl that I can talk to but no one understands how much he meant to me here. I've never felt so alone... I miss having him inside my tshirt... I miss his specific cute voice that's different than the other lovebirds. I have recorded it this week because he actually has learned a new trick; bobbing head while singing a rhythm. I taught it to Papao but he was the one who caught it.

He was burried under the tree where I found Pipi's nest... my husband helped digging the ground. I still can't believe he's gone... It's like if I go to his cage I can still find him there. I miss him so much... All the other time a pet gone I've never been this sad... perhaps it was because I wasn't bonded too much with them. I miss Pocky... I must be a mess now... I know time will heal the pain and life will go on. I'll try to be strong... I just have to love what I have been left with, my other pets, before I lost my chance with them too.  But it's really hard... I miss Pocky terribly.

I know he might be just a picture of a happy looking bird to you. But please pray for him tonight. I hope he's with an angel now, one that can cuddle him 24/7 forever without failure. Pray for me too if you don't mind... for I need any strength you could lend me to face tomorrow without him. Thank you for loving him... And please just say how much you love him (if u do) instead I'm sorry for your loss. It means so much that there are others that love him even though they have never met him. I just can't wait the day I'll meet him again to say how much I love him, how much I'm so sorry for what happened and hope he will forgive me for being such a failure.

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:iconzootsuitrioteer:
ZootSuitRioteer Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2014
I'm sure that adorable little bird knew you didn't mean too, he's probably looking down from birdy heaven and knowing how much he loved you and you loved him.

I have birds myself, my little man Scruffy is my buddy for life, he's my friend, my companion. I know the bond is strong.

*hug*
Reply
:iconemmil:
emmil Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
:)
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:iconicyhugs:
icyhugs Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sorry to hear that :hug: Yet I know Pocky is up there in heavens with my kitties LokLok and Toffie :hug:
R.I.P. My beloved Toffie by icyhugs
 
 
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:iconkitty-valentine:
Kitty-Valentine Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2013
i'm sooooo sorry to hear that....
sorry ... i didn't read it before
don't blame yourself sweety
accidents do happen... its was not your fault,
you'd never wanted to hurt him, everybody knows that
it's really hard to lose someone you love that way
there's not much i can say to relive your pain
i can imagine your sadness
i'm crying myself about it
:cheer up hug:
Reply
:iconredfeatherfalconhawk:
RedFeatherFalconHawk Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh, man.  I'm sorry I'm late, but I just heard of this today.  Just wanted to say I'm terribly sorry - I know what that's like.  My mom accidentally stepped on my first bird when I was a teen.  She felt bad about it, too.  But please don't beat yourself up too much.  Sad as it is, these things happen, and judging from all of your pictures and the fact that you feel this way in the first place - you really do care about your birds, and that is what makes a great bird person.

I was so sorry to hear of this.  I may not have ever met him in person, but I miss him, too.
Reply
:iconookamigirl00:
Ookamigirl00 Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013
i am sorry to hear that hun accidents happen, i accidentally almost lost petry too a few days ago, he fell of my back when i was trying to grab him and he fell hard on the ground. when i grabbed him he was very weak and almost didn't respond, i didn't let him fall completely asleep and took him to cuddle him in my bed to encourage him to snap out of it, i was very lucky, given his age i was afraid i was gonna lose him, but he is ok now, around 2 weeks since it happened. It's not your fault hun, things like that happen.
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:iconalisonschofield:
AlisonSchofield Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
I am so terribly sorry that you are having to deal with such a traumatic loss of your beloved and well loved friend. My heart breaks for you. I know there are no words that will comfort you at this time, but Pocky had a great life with you and a happy life. You need to forgive yourself, it was a terrible tragedy, but it was an accident and you can rest assured that Pocky forgave you already. Pocky is now flying high in the heavens where love is plentiful. My prayers are with you.
Reply
:icondracostarhome:
dracostarhome Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
I am so sorry that this happened!  I really don't know what to tell you, loss is hard!  and it will be a while before you feel comfortable again.  Truly I am so sorry.
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:icontymora11:
tymora11 Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I know how incredibly traumatic it can be to lose a beloved pet, especially a young one, when you feel responsible.

I am literally tearing up over here. :cry:
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:iconwingsforall:
wingsforall Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
Emmil, I was in love with Pocky the first time I saw his sweet face.  He brought such joy to so many people and will be missed by so many. Ever picture of him put a smile on my face and in my heart.   I lost my Felix 7 years ago and the pain has never gone away.  There is a love and a bond that will transcend all time.  Prayers have been lifted for you and for Pocky.  I feel certain he has crossed the rainbow bridge and is playing with all the others who have gone before him.  He was loved so very much! 
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:icontdgg:
TDGG Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2013
R.I.P Pocky you will be missed..
I know he'll be over the rainbow bridge. I'm sorry for your loss Emmil, its never easy loosing a loved one, human or other wise.
Till the day that you next meet him he will always be loved.
Reply
:icontheubbergeek2:
theubbergeek2 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013
My sympathies about Pocky, this is a nasty way by turn of fate to loose a beloved pet.. :(  It's true though, we all make mistakes, and wherever he is now, Pocky is not angry at you, you where a good 'birds mama/flock lady'...

I have a friend who lost a ferret to something as random, so you are not alone..

You are a good pets mama, and you care for them highly, no doubt on this...
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:iconfrostwolf300:
frostwolf300 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013  Student General Artist
I am so, so, so sorry Pocky passed away. I can't image how you feel right now, but you gotta stay strong! :iconsadhugplz:
Everyone makes mistakes, and I know the way you love your pets Pocky would forgive you instantly.
He's probably up in heaven right now, looking down at all of us. 
Remember to keep your head up as high as you can. :heart: I will definitely be praying for the both of you tonight 
R.I.P. Pocky :heart:
Reply
:iconandiegr:
andiegr Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my GCC Rocco almost a year ago from a stupid accident as well. He spent the night cuddling with me because my work schedule had changed and I could not come home for lunch or leave as early as I used to. It was harder for the both of us since I could only be with him in the evenings so he was basically stuck to me like glue. I knew he shouldn't share my bed but it was late, when I woke up I found his lifeless little body beside me. I cried immensely, I couldn't be in my house as his toys, chew marks, and memories were everywhere. I cried for days, and didn't care if anyone saw me. I buried him under a rose and visit it everyday. I hated myself then and I still hate myself now. He was only a year old, so I felt worse knowing I was responsible for cutting his life short and breaking my promise of taking care of him and being friends for ever. I still cry, even now I'm crying about Pocky and Rocco. Take your time recovering from this and cry when you need to. Pocky will watch out for you in between angel cuddles. Take care.
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:iconopalmartin:
Opalmartin Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013  Student General Artist
sorry for your loss and Rest in Peace Pocky
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:iconrat-wolf:
rat-wolf Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013
Rest in peace you beautifully cute bird, Pocky <3
You have made a lot of people smile with your cuteness and shall be missed~

Emmil, accidents happen, sadly it is something really hard to avoid...
No one blames you for what happen
Reply
:iconepicspacebadger:
epicspacebadger Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013
I'm crying like it's my own bird that died 
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:icondark-erotic-weapons:
Dark-Erotic-Weapons Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2013
I am really at a loss for words I can't even begin to imagine how tragic this must be for you to feel that you were at fault for the death of your own pet.Please try your best to understand that terrible accidents happen and we cannot blame ourselves for an accident.You know in your heart that Pocky's life has been filled with so much love.And you are in no way responsible for something that was not intended.I am very deeply sorry for your loss.I wish I could erase it all away for you.I hope that somehow the love and support of your many friends can help you deal with terrible tragedy.

R.I.P. Pocky :iconwhiteroseplz:
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:iconlovelinhdor:
LoveLinhdor Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Student General Artist
rest in peace Pocky, you will be missed by many 
i hope you feel better soon
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:iconbettafishy:
Bettafishy Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss and I wish you the best. He'll always be in my heart. From what I could see he had such a beautiful personality.

 

R.I.P. Pocky

Reply
:icontricia-lynch:
Tricia-Lynch Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

I'm having a really hard time not crying right now. I never met you or your birds but since I found your DeviantArt, I've always thought you all were amazing. I love seeing all your birds, they're so adorable and their personality shines through in each picture, its almost like I could have known them outside of the internet. It makes me want lovebirds too (and finches because PiPi is so cute XD)!


Losing a pet is hard, especially when you've really bonded with them. Its even harder if the people you know don't understand that a pet is more than a pet, they're family too. Birds, Cats, Dogs, Fish, Lizards, no matter what they are they're family. The pets that I've been closest to are betta fish. Not many people can get past the "its just a fish" stage when they here me gushing about how adorable they are. When my little Neptune passed away, I couldn't stop blaming myself. He was sick and I couldn't get him better no matter how hard I tried. I blamed myself for him getting sick. I felt like a huge failure and the worst betta owner on the planet. But the thing is, we're not failures. We tried. We both loved our pets and gave them a good life, that is what matters and that is what makes us not fail them. You gave him a good life, and you give all your other pets a good life as well.


Mistakes and accidents happen. Pocky might have known his time was coming, I believe pets can sense things that we can't. I also believe that even though they pass away, they're still with us. I'm sure he forgives you and still loves you. In fact, I don't think he would blame you at all. I'm sure he knows it was an accident. You gave Pocky a great life and I know he misses you too. You'll see him again, but don't let that be too soon. You have a lot of other pets that still need and love you. 


I'm praying for you and Pocky. Its hard, but you will get through this and you'll see him again someday. I know you don't know me, but if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here *hugs* 


Fly in peace Pocky <3 You were loved by all. 

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:iconchestnutbud:
Chestnutbud Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My whole family cries and prays with you - we all loved Pocky very much. But he stays in our heart as he stays in yours, he will be unforgotten.
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    I love Pocky and i pray for the both of you :hug: I know he wasn't just a bird and this is why you are so hard on yourself. I know what you are going through because i was there, in the exact same situation with my dear Cocos. You be strong; Pocky wouldn't blame you for this; why are you? Remember the good times and celebrate his life and the happiness he brought into yours, don't let yourself forget that and don't taint his memory with bitterness. Pocky is watching over you now and he sure is sad for seeing you blaming yourself for something that was out of your control :tighthug:
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:iconsol-sanctum:
Sol-Sanctum Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013
Oh. :( I am so sorry for you loss. I too bonded to a pet that passed away and the loss hit me unlike any other loss I had experienced to that point in my life. It made me feel so confused for a while, but eventually I found my peace, as will you I believe. I will pray for both you and Pocky. God bless you for having such a wonderful heart to love him when he was alive and beyond.
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:iconpuffugu:
puffugu Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh my goodness... Oh Lord...
My heart just dropped and it still feels like it... Pocpoc...
My eyes are getting watery. But  I shall try my best.
First, it IS NOT YOUR FAULT! It really isn't... You didn't do anything freaking wrong at all, please tell yourself that and I am here to tell you that.
Pocky is still alive in our hearts and is flying in heaven! I love him as my own bird too... Pocky is still the happy birdie in heaven...
Who cares about me not being irl? I don't care at all, you are a friend and distance can't change that at ALL.
I'm praying, I love him too. I love him.

Just remember, it isn't your fault! It was a pure mistake, hun! I know! We all know how much of a happy life you gave him.. A SPECTACULAR life. :iconpockay: is and will always be the happiest lovebird.

Oh my.. Fly in Peace Pocky, and I hope you cope with this well...
And about the egg, don't think about doing anything. Think of the egg as a reincarnation of Pocky, Em!
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:iconchibi-demon-angel694:
chibi-demon-angel694 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconsadhugplz:
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:iconalicewhatter:
AliceWHatter Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
*hugs* Pocky's life was a joy to see just though your photos. It was obvious how happy he was and how much he loved you. I think he was one of the happiest and most loved bird I've ever seen and that was all thanks to you. You raised him and gave him that. :) You helped give Pocky that wonderful life and raised such a happy bird,that definitely wasn't a failure on your part. :) I'm so sorry. I loved him and so did everyone else who saw your wonderful photos that so perfectly captured Pocky's sweet personality. We love you too and hope you know there's a community here to support you through this difficult time and join you in the mourning process. 
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:iconluyfsa:
luyfsa Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Each time I saw a new picture of him it made my day~
He was such a sweet wonderful bird and will be remembered forever~
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:icondebby-x:
Debby-X Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh my.....I'm so sorry ...
Stay strong as much as you can..Your other birds needs you.
Try not to think about all the whole thing,try to move on,it was an accident after all... :(
I will pray for you and Pocky <3
Stay strong :heart:
Reply
:iconbroadwinger:
Broadwinger Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
By the way, if any of your birds lay eggs... I recommend keeping them. It would help you, trust me. You're not a failure. You have given all of your birds the happiest lives that a bird could have! You have more Pippin, Peewee, Pence, Papao, and Pipi to take care of still; they need you now. What I live by is: "look to the future. If you want to hang on to the past, then hang on to the happiest moments and let that propel you into the future."
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:iconsilvershadowpheonix:
SilverShadowPheonix Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
Pocky was a sweet little bird.
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:iconasktz:
ASKTZ Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013   General Artist
I'm so sorry to hear! You mustn't blame yourself though, accidents do happen. You gave him such an amazing life, as with your other birds! Stay strong! Losing a loved one no matter the species is very very difficult. He'd want you to keep on giving other birds chances at life and love, as you did for him. 
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:iconcitrusvision:
CitrusVision Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. :(
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:iconwickedchibi:
WickedChibi Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
I'm so sorry for your loss! :hug: You can't blame yourself, it was just his time
keep a hold on the good memories. You will be in my prayers tonight
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:iconladycorvidaea:
LadyCorvidaea Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm so sorry to hear about Pocky's passing. Surely he is in heaven now though. You gave him a wonderful life and you must not blame yourself for what happened. I know words can only help a little and no bird will ever be able to replace Pocky. He will always be loved. Huggle! 
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:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
I just have to add, love, that Pocky would not have been here at all if not for your love and care.  You gave him everything you possibly could.  Forget about having a short life; he would have had none at all.  Wherever he is, he knows it was an accident.
He could have fallen off a perch and the same thing could have occurred.  :heart:  My husband is so sorry also.
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:iconcrossing-ariel:
crossing-ariel Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
Oh my goddd sweetheart!  :huggle:  Oh man.  I know you're going to feel bad for a long time, but I'll tell you a story...years ago my husband and I had a rat who we loved very much, a little hairless guy, very sweet.  My husband went to sit down on the floor one day when he was out running around and he accidentally sat on him and injured him.  The rat went running and cowering from my husband.  He survived, but for weeks he limped around and my husband felt just awful about it.  These accidents do happen.
My heart really and truly breaks for you.  I loved Pocky too.  I wish I could say or do something more.
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:iconbroadwinger:
Broadwinger Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:hug:
Just keep in mind that it wasn't your fault; it was all an accident. He will be waiting for you. It will be a long time to wait, but you will see him again. Not a lot of people could understand the love for a parrot if they've never experienced it. Tucker and I will grieve with you.
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:iconsynthemum:
Synthemum Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

I'm so sorry :huggle:. I only knew Pocky from photos and videos, but he found a way into my heart anyway. Its always hard to have a pet leave so soon. Three years ago my dog passed away. She was only four years old. She was so young, but I guess it was her time.

I know the pain of blaming yourself. I had a baby rabbit about two years ago that I was bottle feeding (mother had abandoned it). I had it in a box on a table and left the house to run errands. The rabbit was so young, I didn't think it would be able to get out, but it did and dropped to the floor. It acted normal, but died a few days later. I don't know for sure why it died, but I felt like it was all my fault..

long comment, sorry.

I know you won't stop blaming yourself no matter what I say... But just remember that, no matter how he got there, pocky is in a good place right now, he loves you, and he's waiting for you

:
hug:

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:iconloner911:
loner911 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i was about to press the link to your gallery when i saw your latest journal entry. i had to admit i received a shock when i read that pocky had passed away. he's a dear little lovebird, i'm so sorry that he passed away. please don't blame yourself too much, don't be too hard on yourself, it was an accident. stay strong. pocky will always be with you...
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:iconnight-stalker13:
NiGhT-sTaLkEr13 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh darling, I am so, so sorry to hear this. You poor thing. :huggle: Just know he lived a very happy life with you, and he'll always be your little baby, and you'll always be his as well. I'm so sorry to hear this, I really am. Condolences and lots of hugs from both me and Suki.
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:iconcadfail:
Cadfail Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
I am so very, very sorry for your loss, for losing Pocky like that really is a tragedy. I'm with you in my thoughts and I know he had such a wonderful life with you, that he really loved you and would always forgive you. I feel with you.
I'm sorry for what happend.
Give yourself time to mourn him, but remember him as the joyful little bird he was!
I hope I could help you a bit with my words - or at least didn't make it worse.
He will always be with you, in your heart.
My condolences.
Reply
:iconcadfail:
Cadfail Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013
I am sure Pocky will have a wonderful place in heaven, thinking of you and I will think of him with you. Because I know how hard it is to lose a friend like that.
Because I really loved Pocky, hearing from him, seeing pictures of him and getting to know this wonderful bird. Thank you for introducing him to me.
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:iconmondoart:
MondoArt Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I feel your pain... This year my beloved Serin died...
You know that because I asked your advice for treatment that day... It was also my fault...

I understand the gaping bloody hole he left in your heart, its painful and you feel like a failure...
The worst part is, just like you, no one around here understands what joy bonding with a bird would bring...
Especially since she was my first and favorite bird.

If you want, you can share with me your thoughts and feelings... I get what you're going through right now...

Pocky's a special one of a kind bird! I don't think he blames you, he thanks you for the joyful experience you gave him.
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:iconvortex-twins:
Vortex-Twins Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013

I am so sorry. I wish I could say that I understand, but I honestly can't remember the last time I lost a pet. I will, however, offer my condolenses, and say that he will always be with you. The love you had for him lives on, and through that love, he is still with you

 

~Briar

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:icononyxrocks123:
OnyxRocks123 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I am so sorry for your loss. Its hard to lose someone you love even if they are your pet. Because they're not just your pet, they're your friend. I believe Pocky is up in Heaven with an Angel but I also believe that he was sent away to become your feathery little Angel as well. 
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:iconroxasnamineforever:
RoxasNamineForever Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013
Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry he's gone... I've lost pets in the best too - my cat Koshka was my best friend when I was little, so I know how you feel. Don't feel guilty about it hun; these things have a way of happening... I mean (if it'll help) maybe he would've had that fit either way? I dunno, I'm just hypothesizing in an attempt to cheer you up... I know no bird will ever replace Pocky, but I hope too that that egg hatches into a new lovebird. Who knows, it may even be able to fill the hole that he left behind, even if by only a little...

Sadly, I'm not religious, so a prayer from me wouldn't be sincere. However, I do believe that the energy we leave behind becomes something new, so I'll say this: I hope Pocky becomes something beautiful in his next life - he more than deserves that :3
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:iconxghostwriterx:
xGhostwriterx Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
He was one little sweet bird. He spread happines around him and he knew happiness like no other on this earth. No matter what mood I was in, when I saw a new picture of it just put a huge grin on my face. Seeing him took all my bad thouhgts away.
 R.I.P Pocky Thank you for your time on earth.
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:icongortega1223:
gortega1223 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry for your loss :'( I really enjoyed his pictures <3 I'll miss seeing his adorable self as well. It couldn't be helped though, don't put the blame on yourself. He would definitely forgive you in a heart beat, you've been a great owner. <3 <3 <3
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:icondusted-birdie:
dusted-birdie Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Student General Artist
This made me cry. Comfort me. 
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October 25, 2013
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